Author: John Morgan

  • What A Fine Mess You’ve Gotten Me Into This Time, Heart

    I don’t know what it is about me. Despite knowing better, I wear my heart out on my sleeve only time and time again to get it stamped out on the floor. I know there’s a better way, I know I should guard it, I know this is not how God wants me to spend my time. But Despite everything I know. I continue to leave it unguarded, to leave it vulnerable. I wish I knew why.

    For the third time in a row, I got captivated by a girl I really knew wasn’t a girl I should be captivated by. For the third time in a row, I fell for a girl who I really knew was too far away to fall for. For the third time in a row, I let my heart wander too far when I really knew I shouldn’t let it wander that far. Even though we weren’t dating, just flirting, I let my heart grow too fond, to the point I badly wanted to date and it felt almost like we were dating. The first time, I found out the girl did drugs and not only that, just took the pills that were handed to her without asking what they were. The second one got engaged to her best-friend out of the blue. This one decided to start dating a guy she told me she knew isn’t worth dating, but is willing (quote) “to give him a try” (end qoute).

    I bit my tongue, well tried to. I’m not good at holding it, even if bitten down on. I’m also not good at saying what I really want to say either. “Willing to give him a try” is right up there with “I want to find someone like you” on my list of infuriatingly stupid phrases. If he’s not worth giving a try and you know this because you hang out with him all the time, what is dating him going to change? When a person is around his friends, they show their true colors. The grand majority become fake when dating. They put on their nicest clothes, take on their finest manners, and even some go so far as to pull on their best vocabulary to impress someone.

    If the guy is a prick to you around his friends when you’re not dating, it’s a good sign he’ll be a prick to you when you are. Oh not at first, no, he’ll entice you by being nice at first, but once you’re snared, he’ll go back to his old tricks. I used to be this guy, sadly enough. I saw these kinds of guys were getting all the girls so I became one. Dumb reason, I know, but I was a dumb person. Not to say that I’m not dumb anymore; I’m just a different kind of dumb as mentioned in the previous paragraphs.

    I just wish her the best in this. As for me, I really need to just continually remind myself that this need to have someone in my life isn’t really a need, but a want. It’s a gift from God that He does not bestow upon everyone and I’m merely being selfish, focusing away from him and coveting. In the deepest sense, I’m coveting another man’s wife. I don’t want anyone’s wife specifically, I just want a wife, but why do I want a wife? Well, because I see the married couples around me and I say, “I want that! I want to be married, I want to have a family, I want to have a house, I want to have a dog, I want to have a white picket fence; I want the whole nine yards.” Isn’t that what coveting is? And it’s selfish; I want, I want, I want. See? I’m focusing on me and my wants, not I Am and His wants. What does I Am want?

    It’s moments like this that I find myself understanding God and his commandments better. Most of the world looks at them and says, “God’s a cosmic buzzkill.” I say His commands are showing you the very keys to happiness and not even I can seem to remember that. Why does He say not to covet? Because it makes you want what you don’t really need. The want turns to envy, the envy to frustration, the frustration to anger, and the anger to bitterness. I’m currently at the frustration stage, and unless I actually do something about it, I fear it will soon reach anger, and then bitterness. The problem is, the envy is towards other people; but the frustration, anger, and bitterness are toward God for what we perceive as Him not meeting us our “needs”.

    I just pray that you all pray for me. I know I’m reluctant to ask for prayer on myself, which may seem a selfless thing, but it’s really selfish pride and partly fear. For the Selfish part, Toast put it quite well today at 4th Memorial’s College Group when he talked about people trying to build themselves up to be better than what they are. For the fear part, Dave Thule put it quite will when he was talking about fear of rejection and ostracization. Pray for me none the less, I’m trying to be more transparent than I have been.

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  • When God Moves, It’s Amazing

    For those of you who don’t know, I evangelize every other Tuesday. We wander about the STA Bus Plaza downtown and share the gospel with all who are willing to hear. In warmer months, we sometimes head to River Front Park. And as our team grows, we may have groups at both places as well as branching out into other parts of Downtown.

    We also do prayer and healing for those who want prayer and or healing. I’ve seen some strange things down there that just make you say, “Yea God!”, from the drunk man who instantly sobered the moment we laid hands on him as we spoke the Gospel Message, to the man who broke down crying when we told him what Jesus had done for him.

    Yesterday was my first time I actually took to speaking more than a few sentences, which put me out of my comfort zone, but I soon got comfortable. We talked with a few people.
    One told us that he was dating a Christian girl and went to church with her, but he didn’t really believe in it. He has a few hang ups which I tried to answer, but I don’t know if he accepted the words I had to say. He eventually had to catch his bus, but I hope that my words will have some effect.

    We never know what part we may play in someone’s decision to come to Christ. I know there were several in my journey, each delivering a piece of the puzzle, until I finally came to see enough of it to want to seek the last piece, and that was Jesus. From Pastor Wymer, to a youth pastor named Nate, select friends, family, a mormon girl (strangely enough), and finally Pastor Joe Wittwer of Life Center. All have had a hand in my journey, and I have no doubt that God tossed them in my path to reach me. That’s a blessing in itself and a testament to God’s love. If it was me, I make maybe one or two tries to get someone’s attention then give up and move on. Aren’t you glad God’s not like me? That He’ll keep trying until it’s clear that there is absolutely nothing further He can do to persuade you?

    This is why I am driven to go evangelize, so that God can use me as His instrument and advance his Kingdom. I’d do it more often if I had the opportunity, but I’d need at least another person to go with me.

    Yesterday I also talked with a man by the name of Leshai (I’m guessing on the spelling, sounds like leh-SHY). He’s a man on fire for God and is a teacher at his church, though I can’t even remember the name of it. He has an interesting testimony, and had a near-death experience quite a few years ago. I might have to check out his church sometime just to see what it’s like. It sounds impressive, but I do know Life Center is where I need to be.

    If you guys ever want to come join us, feel free to contact me and ask. We’re always accepting more to our group. The more people we have down their, the more people God can touch through us.

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  • Perhaps Afghanistan Will, For Once, See a True Martyr

    I don’t know how many of you have been following it, but there is a man in Afghanistan who is on trial for his faith. He converted to Christ 16 years ago. Abdul Rahman is on trial in Afghanistan for rejecting Islam, a crime that carries a death sentence by their law. He was told that if he denounced Christ and returned to Islam, the charges would be dropped and he refused. Now they are seeking to show him as mentally ill so as not to be required to execute him. All the while, Muslim clerics demand his death for what they see as a grievous attack on Islam by Satan.

    I personally admire the man’s faith. I hope to be as courageous in the face of persecution as he. If executed, he will be a true martyr. Webster’s definition of a martyr is:
    a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion.

    In fact, it originates from the Greek word μάρτυς (martys) and means “witness, testimony”. It also came to refer to a man killed for his testimony. Now it seems to be used for anyone who dies for a cause. To me a true martyr is the former, person who is killed for what he believes. A man who straps bombs to himself to kill many innocents while taking himself with them is not a martyr.

    There are those that I’ve talked with who don’t understand why he doesn’t just deny Christ and go back to Islam to save his live. Some of these people profess to be Christians and this greatly disturbs me as it shows a lack of knowledge of what it is to be Christian.

    When we all became born-again, we accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior. To denounce Him is essentially to lose our salvation. For further evidence of this, refer to Matthew 10:32-33:

    “‘32 Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. 33 But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.’” – Matthew 10:32-33 NIV

    This same passage has been floating around various chain messages in MySpace and Yahoo — although not reposting it, and spamming your friends with it, is not to disown him in my understanding of scripture. But that is another discussion for another time. — This passage explains why the Christian cannot simply deny his faith to save his skin.

    Some may argue, “Well I’d commit this sin then ask forgiveness later.” Yet another attitude I’ve seen in more self-professing Christians around me these days. There is also a fallacy in this. While it is true that Jesus does forgive us, that is no excuse to intentionally sin. The Apostle Paul, in my opinion, put it the best in Romans chapter 6. In fact, this theme is all through Romans.

    “1What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” – Romans 6:1-2 NIV

    We are also told that we are “not promised tomorrow” numerous times in the Bible. We are told to keep short accounts for this reason.

    This also leads to another problem; loving the world. The only reason to deny Christ to save your skin would be live another day in this world. Heaven awaits me, a place far more beautiful and better than this world if I should be killed anyway.

    It is also taking things in your own hands and especially telling God that you don’t trust him. If God wants him to live, I guarantee that Abdul Rahman will live. God will do something here if He wants to save him, rest assured. It may not be some obvious miracle such as breaking the cell open like He did for Paul and Silas; it may be as simple as touching a heart or two to sway them into releasing him.

    No matter what the outcome, live or die, this man will be able to stand before Jesus on Judgment Day and be able to say, “I stood up for you, Jesus!” All we can do for him at this point is pray for him. And remember in your lives what GK Chesterson once said, “Jesus promised his disciples three things. They would be absurdly happy, absolutely fearless, and in constant trouble.”

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  • “Yeah God!” Moments

    As a few of you know, I do street witnessing and evangelism every other week at the STA Bus Plaza downtown. Tonight I saw the full gambit. From those that were accepting, to those that waved us off (not always with all 5 fingers), to those that felt it fitting to mock us. All in all it was a good night however. I saw plenty of what Pastor Joe would call “Yeah God!” moments. Ever watch a man who is skeptical suddenly break down into tears after praying for them and crossing the line of faith? There’s a “Yeah God!” moment. Ever watch demons cast off of a person? Seeing the light return to their eyes, the smiles returning to their faces, their posture straightening, their inner glow returning? There’s a “Yeah God!” moment. We prayed with a man that wanted to pray but couldn’t due to the demons that bound him. We talk with a skeptic who had many questions needing answers and, tonight, God was made real to him. Someday I hope each an everyone of you gets to witness a “Yeah God!” moment. The impact it has on your life, let alone the life of the person it happens to, is immense.

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  • “She Cries Out, She Cries Out, ‘I Want to Be Like the Movies Stars and Models on the Screen’”

    I write this in response to my feelings and concerns about our generation, which I am seeing first hand in so many of my non-Christian female friends, and some of my non-Christian male friends. Just the torment they face daily in trying to live in this corrupted society that we call America. We’ve overextended ourselves trying to live “The Dream”. We all want these perfect little lives, lived out in these perfectly sculpted little bodies, doing what Cosmo and Maxim tell us to do and how to be. And they dare call me, as a christian, the one brainwashed. I’m not popping pills to cope with depression. I’m not killing myself slowly trying to amass a fortune thinking it will make me happy. I know that it won’t make me happy. Looking back, I had all the material possessions I wanted growing up as a kid and was always unhappy, always wanting more because what I got didn’t make me happy. There’s a hole that we try to fill to make us happy. It’s a God shaped hole, and nothing but the love and grace of God and the peace that He gives can ever fill it. Money doesn’t fill the hole. Guys or girls don’t fill the hole. Cars don’t fill the hole. Nothing but God fills that hole. Everyone seems to be unhappy with their lives when they try to live in the world around us.

    I feel that everyone really deep down actually, to some degree, acknowledges that nothing in this world will ever make us happy, but not everyone is willing to believe that there might be a loving God with something so much better for them. There is so much more for them with God. I don’t know how to describe the feelings I have had since I decided to live how God had said to live. I rarely feel stressed anymore, rarely depressed. If I feel any of those two feelings, I’ve found that I’m slipping into the standards of this world and not God’s standard.

    God didn’t create us flawed, we let our society percieve us as flawed. We demand perfection in a world that isn’t and wasn’t designed to be perfect. We have these impossible to attain standards of how we should look, how we should run our lives, and what we should have. Women don’t need to all be 6 foot tall with 32D-26-28 measurments, blonde hair, and blue eyes, who just accept that most of the guys they keep finding are complete jerks. Men don’t need to be 6′5″, ripped, and don’t need to sleep with every girl they meet to be cool. That’s the opposite of how we should be. Now I don’t mean it’s a green light to be obese, for that puts unhealthy strain on your body and God wants us to do what we can to remain healthy. However, we should realize that the soul is what counts. The soul is all we will have when we die.

    Girls, God has so much more planned for you. He created you and made no mistakes, despite what Cosmo may tell you. Cosmo and its advertisers don’t want you to be happy despite the claims of their articles. You know why? Happy people are content with what they have and content people do not spend billions of dollars on cosmetics and cosmetic surgery that is supposed to make you happier. God really doesn’t give a rip about how your make-up and clothes look, or how big your breasts are. He searches deeper within, and all those things tell Him are how much you care about what people think about you and about not Him.

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  • “Let’s Be Soldiers, No Longer Let Them Control Us”

    Well, Creation West 2005 went off well. There were around 28,000 in attendance, 150 people baptised, and Compassion International recieved sponserships for 940 children in need worldwide.

    I got back and my legs are still stiff from being in the pit most of the 4 days I was there. Wednesday I saw Barlow Girl, David Crowder, Relient K, and Mercy Me. Thursday I saw Mutemath, The Afters, Tait, Falling Up, and Toby Mac. Friday it was KJ-52 (said Kay-Jay-Five-Two), Pillar, Disciple, Kutless, Audio Adrenaline, and Michael W. Smith. Then finally on Saturday I saw Hawk Nelson, Stellar Kart, Sanctus Real, Superchick, Thousand Foot Krutch, Jeremy Camp, Casting Crowns, and Newsboys. I listened to two of the speakers, L.G. Wise, and Ron Luce who both gave good messages.

    L.G. Wise is an ex-gangster from New York. He was in the same group as the Notorious B.I.G.. He found Christ while in prison and changed his life around. He’s now a christian rapper and speaker. His talk was on the influenses in our lives and how they aren’t just “entertainment” as many claim. That it’s sad that more Gen X christians know ALL the lyrics to 50 Cent, Eminem, Sliptknot, and all these other groups that tout non-christian ideals, but can’t quote a single verse from the Bible that is their guide. Who’s telling you how to live? God? Or Eminem?

    Ron Luce is the founder of Aquire the Fire and Battle Cry Ministries. His speech was on the fact that only 4% of Generation X in North America will be Christian by the current outlook. The last generation had 35%, and the generation before that had even more. We need to stop being outraged with how our world is going and actually start fighting in the battle. The battle’s been raging for a long time and few christians even realize it’s out there. I’ve seen it, but have never seen what I can do. I’ve started to see things I can do, been given opportunities recently that I may take that I can do to take some of the wind out of Satan’s sails in this country.

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  • How Do You Get To the Martin Center?

    Today was an awesome day. I had Something Corporate Tickets for tonight, making studying at school today so hard to concentrate on, but fortunately it all breazed by in a hurry. I was so stoked. I’ve been listening to Something Corporate for like 3 years now and I finally got to see them live. It was so sweet! Unfortunately, they only let students from Gonzaga U on the floor, so I had to sit up in the bleechers, but it was still a great time. A local band called Fighting for Nothing opened for them and they were mediocre, but Something Corporate is way sick live! I got to hear “Constantine”, “Straw Dog”, “Fall”, “Only Ashes”, “I Want to Save You” (they did it acoustic), “Cavanaugh Park”, “Punk Rock Princes”, “21 and Invincible”, “Down”, Ruthless”, “If you C Jordan”, “Space”, “I Woke Up in a Car”, and they did “Hurricane” as an encore. Now if only I can get to sleep.

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